February 07, 2012, 09:32:24 PM

Author Topic: Funny stuff  (Read 12368 times)

helmjama

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 810
  • Rep: +0/-0
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #15 on: July 30, 2008, 04:38:29 PM »
oh yea forgot that
08 brute 750
06 kawie vforce 700
gunner (stumper where else can you drink beer with cops and get tazed and not get into trouble for it.)

stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #16 on: July 30, 2008, 05:26:35 PM »
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag



Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.



What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts



Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.



What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.




What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

10 years and 45 lbs.


What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes



What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.



Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you




Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.



What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.



Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck

schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?

They named him "Sum Ting Wong"


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....

Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?

No o ne's tall enough to go on the good rides

2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!

ryan12

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1414
  • Rep: +0/-0
  • Life is too short to shoot Bambies!
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #17 on: July 30, 2008, 05:41:15 PM »
that took you awhile to type that out, but good
DON'T LET THE BOX FOOL YA!  IT WILL HAUL MORE BEER,DEER AND GEAR THAN YOUR ATV! 2010 Artic Cat Prowler 700 xtx  efi

stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #18 on: July 30, 2008, 05:54:22 PM »
that took you awhile to type that out, but good

Copy and paste my friend, copy and paste :P

2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!

ryan12

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1414
  • Rep: +0/-0
  • Life is too short to shoot Bambies!
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #19 on: July 30, 2008, 06:00:12 PM »
technology rules
DON'T LET THE BOX FOOL YA!  IT WILL HAUL MORE BEER,DEER AND GEAR THAN YOUR ATV! 2010 Artic Cat Prowler 700 xtx  efi

toodeep

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 362
  • Rep: +0/-0
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #20 on: July 30, 2008, 08:41:50 PM »
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could
all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find
inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all
the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a
bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, a bottle of
Amarula Cream, a bottle of K W V, a packet of Tennis Biscuits, the rest
of the chocolate cake, some Doritos and a box of Lunch Bars.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner
peace .

ACAT

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 232
  • Rep: +0/-0
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #21 on: July 31, 2008, 05:34:59 AM »
 THOUGHT  FOR THE DAY: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE  SLINKY'S.
 NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT  THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED
 DOWN  THE STAIRS.  HAVE A NICE  DAY!!!
 ;)
2007 Artic Cat DVX400
2008 KTM 525 XC <br />2008 Polaris RZR<br />2009 Polaris Sportsman 850 XP EPS<br />2009 Yamaha YFZ450R

ryan12

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1414
  • Rep: +0/-0
  • Life is too short to shoot Bambies!
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #22 on: July 31, 2008, 08:19:44 AM »
good one!
DON'T LET THE BOX FOOL YA!  IT WILL HAUL MORE BEER,DEER AND GEAR THAN YOUR ATV! 2010 Artic Cat Prowler 700 xtx  efi

stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2008, 10:39:01 AM »
The doctor said, ' Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your
testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way
to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered
if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he
felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a
new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need...A new suit.' He entered the
shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.'

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought
for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16 1/2 neck.'

Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years,' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underware?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see.... size 36.'

Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up
against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'


New suit - $400

New shirt - $36

New underwear - $6

Second Opinion - PRICELESS

For everything else, there's MASTERCARD

2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!

South Dakota ATV

Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2008, 10:39:01 AM »

toodeep

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 362
  • Rep: +0/-0
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #24 on: July 31, 2008, 03:53:47 PM »

toodeep

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 362
  • Rep: +0/-0
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #25 on: July 31, 2008, 05:21:43 PM »
this was on hl, thought it was pretty good.


Grandpa
I took my granddad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My granddad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,

'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Granddad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:

'Got drunk once and made love to a peacock .......... just wondering if you were my son.'


stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #26 on: August 02, 2008, 09:14:27 AM »
Lars, Ole, and Sven were fishing in their boat one summer morning. Lars and Ole heard a big splash and turned around to see that Sven was gone. Thinking quickly, Lars jumped into the lake to try and find him. A few seconds later, Ole heard Lars yell, "I found him!" Immediately, Ole started mouth to mouth resuscitation. After a couple of seconds, Ole said, "Ooohh, I don't remember Sven having such bad breath". Lars responded, "That's funny cuz I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit."

2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!

stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2008, 09:15:28 AM »
Two antennae got married. The ceromony wasn't great but the reception was excellent!

2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!

stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2008, 09:16:04 AM »
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."

2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!

stumper

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2826
  • Rep: +1/-1
  • Team Brute Force
    • fishing dakota
    • Email
Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2008, 09:16:44 AM »
Control panel for turning on a man/woman.....


2007 650 SRA
2005 660 Raptor SE

You only have one Liver ,so Liver up!!!